I have a friend, and she’s great. Better than great, actually. She’s one of those people who is just incredible at everything. She’s really smart. Like really really smart. While I spent my university years vomiting in a bar’s mensroom urinal, she was studying late in the library. She’s a teacher… and she teaches underprivileged kids. And she’s a vegan. So she’s also a really good person. And not only that, but her hair is really long and shiny, and she has really really nice teeth. If I didn’t love her so much, I’d probably hate her guts. She does…

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